HOW TO GET CLOSURE AFTER BEING GHOSTED
WHAT IS GHOSTING?
If you haven’t heard of ghosting then you the lucky few to not have experienced this yet, but I guarantee you will at some point. The term ghosting refers to the act of someone completely ending communication with someone without explanation, this could be in the professional world, romantic relationships or friendships. This term is growing in popularity with the age of online dating and technology that we live in, but none the less is a terrible feeling. There are several reasons one my ghost, hec, I’m guilty of ghosting before! The act is completely cowardly and takes away the awkward face to face communication during times of conflict or perhaps ending a relationship with someone. I’ll admit, ghosting is easy, sometimes too easy that you may not even realize your doing it. For myself, I’m a busy woman, I sometimes forget to respond or forget who I’m even speaking to, with the number of people I talk to via dating apps. It’s hard to keep up with it all when you have work, friends and other hobbies. But we all know if it’s someone your truly interested in talking too, you won’t forget to respond that easily.
I think the reason ghosting hurts so much is the fact that there’s zero closure. Usually you never hear from that person again so your stuck trying to decipher with yourself what happened. I know with my own personal experience, I was ghosted with a guy I was seeing for a few months, I was left completely confused. Our relationship was light and fun yet it seemed to be going somewhere but at a good pace. I’d met his friends, he’d met mine, attended my birthday, we even talked about future plans. For him to suddenly end all communication ate me up inside. Rejection hurts in any form, but not getting any sort or closure or explanation makes it so much harder.
SO WHY DO PEOPLE GHOST?
I think there are several reasons and we’ll never be able to fully understand why someone ghosts unless they give you an honest answer, which is probably unlikely. In an interview with GQ magazine, they asked several men why they have ever ghosted a woman and the answers differed from case to case. Some said that breakups are awkward, they felt texting someone “they weren’t interested” was ruder, he worries your too good for him, catching feelings when he isn’t in the market for a relationship or doesn’t want one, he lied about something, you did something to turn him off, he’s too busy to date, he’s keeping his options open or talking to someone else, he’s got you right where he wants you or knows he can have you whenever he calls (ladies this is called bread crumbing!), he’s too selfish to realize his actions may hurt, and others just felt dating was too much work and would rather give up. No matter the reason, it more than likely has little to do with you or anything you may have done, and in fact has everything to do with him. It’s important to note that men aren’t the only one’s ghosting, women ghost men just as often and this is the same case with any sexual orientation, I’m purely describing men in this article as it pertains to my first hand experiences.
HOW TO MOVE ON AFTER BEING GHOSTED?
To be honest, there’s no science to your feelings and emotions, and the act of moving on means something different for everyone. For myself, I have to be very dramatic at first then I get over it fairly quickly. I think the best thing you can do for yourself is realize it not your fault, and the act says more about them, than yourself. Once you stop analyzing the situation and accept yourself for who you are, you’ll be headed in the right path. I’ll list a couple other ways to move on bellow;
Grieve - give yourself time to mourn and cry, if that person was important to you, it is going to hurt. Allow yourself that time to let it out so the next person you date can authentically get to know you for you, instead of being a rebound.
Stop apologizing for being you - whether you did something to hurt that person or turn them off, if they don’t have the courage to confront you and talk about it in person, than they are not someone you want to date. Anyone that is truly interested in you, will accept you for your flaws and won’t be turned off or scared away so easily.
Stay busy and take up hobbies - keeping busy will not only take up your mental space but also help you move on much quicker. Hang out with friends, go on other dates, do things that bring you joy, and don’t stop doing them because another person comes into your life. Do you!
Accept the fact that you may not get closure - the sooner you stop analyzing the situation and realize that you more than likely won’t be hearing from that person again, the quicker to recovery. You can try to text or call the person to seek closure, but if they ghosted you in the first place, they probably won’t want to have a conversation regarding their actions, they’re a coward remember!
Acknowledge the fact that this is a learning experience - for someone to ghost, they obviously aren’t the one, think about the relationship constructively. Were there red flags you didn’t see or ignored, did you present who you are or who you want to be, were you trying to force something to work because you liked the idea of it? Regardless, if this person was the one, they wouldn’t have ghosted you in the first place, so try to take this shitty horrible experience as one you can learn from, and prevent from happening again.
The take away’s? Ghosting is an extremely prevalent act across the board in dating for women and men alike. Do not think that this is indicative of something being wrong with you, or that this is only happening to you because this is far from the truth!! Everyone experiences ghosting at some point in their life and we all will probably experience it again in the future, this does not mean that anything is wrong with you, it’s just life. Give yourself a moment to be sad, it’s perfectly normal to be sad, but soon after pick yourself up and move on! It only takes that next crush or amazing date to forget about the last guy. It takes time, but I promise you will forget about this person who ghosted you, and soon you’ll be on to something even better! :)
