6 THINGS TO LOOK FOR IN RELATIONSHIPS
Last week over margaritas, my girlfriends and I were laughing at old dating stories from when we first joined Hinge in the Summer of 2019. Steph said, “We had to have dated over half of New York that summer between the group of us”… we laughed cause she probably wasn’t wrong (smh). Of course, we were joking, but this got me thinking about how I’ve evolved since that summer. Equally, how my taste in men has certainly evolved too - God Bless. Through it all, I can honestly say age and experience have brought many things to light, things I like and dislike, and values that are non-negotiable. The phrase, you live and you learn, could not be more true. Thanks to a few failed endeavors (LOL), I’ve compiled a list of key core subjects that I believe any happy and successful relationship should have, and if you're not dating at the moment, this certainly applies to friendships as well!
Accountability:
This is something I have learned more recently. Can they own up to their mistakes, and can they apologize for them? Accountability is someone who is self-aware. We can’t ask for perfection, but someone who is adult enough to understand their own actions and behavior, and can empathize with others. We’re talking consistency people - What a concept?!
Communication:
I know this one is a bit obvious, but for someone who considered herself to be a good communicator, only to find out that she had some work to do… this one isn’t always as easy as you may think. Once I got into a relationship with someone who made me communicate better, I finally understood why my past relationships failed. Being able to talk and open up to your partner about your needs is KEY, even when it’s awkward. Communication also is being able to work well together, someone who is supportive, and willing to compromise. Communication is someone who can share their ideas, on how the relationship can better succeed. I know, it’s scary… but it’s a good thing!
Safety:
Is this person someone you feel safe with, physically and mentally? Someone you feel comfortable being your weird self with, sharing your ideas, and there is mutual respect for your feelings. Safety is feeling secure in your relationship in all ways, and they feel the same with you.
Respect:
Growing up as an only child, I had a lot of practice with this one haha. It’s SO important to understand and respect the needs of your partner. But, let’s all acknowledge the fact that we can’t read minds - that’s mostly directed to the women, ya know how we can be sometimes?! ! It’s unfair to expect unspoken expectations, so this is where communication comes back into play. Respect is being able to share your feelings, ideas, and dreams without judgment or shame. This also means you can disagree at times, without rocking the boat.
Empathy:
A man who has empathy is 1,000 times more attractive in my opinion! This is someone who cares for you, values you, and listens to you. Someone who sees your wounds, but never exploits and manipulates them. Empathy is also feeling safe sharing secrets or intimate details of your life with, and knowing that they won’t share those with others. It’s so important that your person is empathic towards you, but also the others in their life as well, pay attention to this Ladies!
Boundaries:
Boundaries are often unspoken, but I think it’s a good idea when starting a new relationship to vocalize these because everyone has different expectations of what they believe is acceptable. Can they respect your time alone? Are your individual thoughts and ideas celebrated? And is your time spent together appreciated? Boundaries are remaining yourself, while your needs are being met, in order to remain truly happy together!
These 6 things have been very telling in my relationships and are all things I’m working on within myself… we all can’t be perfect! Comment below if there’s anything else you’ve learned from the relationships in your life, am I leaving anything major out? And for those of you in long-term relationships, how do you continue to work on these things? And as always, if you’re still reading, cheers to you! I genuinely love writing about relationships and all things self-help. If you guys have any future ideas you like to get my perspective or opinion on, please shoot me an email or message me on the Gram! Thanks so much for reading!
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